i am an enneagram type 8 to a t. aaron, type 4 to a t. naturally, after discovering our respective types, the next step was to read what each of us might bring to a relationship with one another. potential trouble spots or issues we may have. we sat on the kitchen floor reading it together, subtly nodding our heads, looking as though we wanted to be surprised at each line but knowing full well all of it (except the prone to physical violence bit, as we’re not, y’know, absolute monsters) fit us, again, to a t. it was like standing naked and exposed in front of a terribly honest, terribly revealing inward-looking mirror, and it wasn’t pretty.
excerpts on type four / type eight relationships, pulled from the enneagram institute website:
“this can be one of the most creative relationship couplings, although it is also one of the most inherently volatile. both enneagram fours and eights are intense and have strong emotional responses; both seek to get a reaction from the other. they are attracted to each other’s storminess, the other’s vulnerability, and the other’s “hidden” qualities: neither is what they seem to be on the surface. because of their passionate natures, both types can become impulsive and reckless.
both feel that the other can meet their intensity — that the other will not be boring or non-responsive to them. they make each other feel more alive — something that both want. intensity, vitality, passion, and immediacy are the emotional hallmarks of this couple, and they relate to each other (and to others in their world) from an unusually high emotional pitch — there is always something happening in their relationship, and they like it this way.
both types take a certain pride in having a larger than life quality about them: eights in their larger than life willpower and quest for control, fours in their larger than life emotions and in their quest for self-expression. both types want to be free and to be free from having anyone control them. if they feel that the other is trying to control them, both types can become enraged, easily triggering gargantuan battle, and rampant feelings of hatred. both fours and eights and emotionally stormy and prone to periods of rage, depression, vengeance, and various forms of acting out. when conflicts between them reach a certain pitch, arguing replaces real connection, and fighting (and possibly physical violence) becomes an increasingly common element of their communication, with the violence often running both ways.
they can also begin to get in the practice of fighting and making up because both are more exciting that way. they can also begin punishing each other by withholding attention and affection. no coupling is more passionate than the four/eight combination — nor is any couple more likely to deteriorate into verbal and physical abuse and various kinds of personal retaliation for escalating offences. they may get into the feelings that they are not able to stop themselves from hurting each other, as much as part of them would like to quiet down and become more normal. the passionate attraction that they have for each other can end in obsession and hurtful, ruinously impulsive actions.”
in short, we’re both insane (which we knew), and probably screwed (which we didn’t), and i imagine liam will be, too (thanks a lot, genetics) — so, that’s nice.
you’re probably not reading this, but if you are, love you, aaron. i’d apologise for us the way we are, but that wouldn’t be very four and eight of me, and i can’t have that, so, i’ll leave it at this.
until next fight.