it had to be you

“i thought our story was epic, you know.
you and me.
spanning years and continents.
lives ruined, bloodshed, epic.”

it’s no secret we’ve had our ups and our downs — particularly our downs towards the beginning, when apathy and fear ruled your heart… and regrettably, by extension, mine.

but when i sat on your lap in that messy old basement full of all our friends, and you asked me to be yours just before the clock struck midnight, i smiled, teary-eyed, heart full.

and when i spun around in my chair to find you down on one knee, holding the loveliest little red box, edges adorned with glimmering gold, i smiled, teary-eyed, heart full.

and when i took my father’s arm at the top of the stairs that snowy december evening just two years ago, i smiled, teary-eyed, heart full.

because none of the heartache, or the stay-up-all-night-crying-to-jeff-buckley’s-last-goodbye sessions, mattered to me anymore.

because somehow we had made it through it all — the consistent inconsistency, the doubt and worry, the obstacles and self-sabotage, and the surprise baby-on-the-way.

because this momentous event that was unfolding right before our very eyes — the wedding of “a & k” — this was it. this was what i had dreamt of since our lives crossed paths.

after all, i fell in love with the tall, quiet, mysterious man you were right away, didn’t i? well, okay, perhaps it wasn’t exactly love that i felt when we first met standing in your mother’s cigarette-and-leaf-cluttered driveway that unforgettable summer of ’09. no, i suppose it couldn’t have been, for i didn’t even admit the truth to myself until almost two years later… and then really quite drunkenly to you only a few short weeks after that.

but what i do know i felt from the start was this: it had to be you.

it always had to be you.

and oh, how happy i am that you — that we finally took the leap of faith we did four years ago today. what a life we’ve made together already, m’dear, and it’s still all so very new.

we’ve had four years of kisses and laughs, vinyls and wine, letters and flowers, coffee and conversations, comics and milk, adderall and all-nighters, road trips and adventures.

four years of love and friendship.

four years of a & k.

happy four years, tall man. i love you with everything i am and hope to be.

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