one and only

reproducing was not something i had planned for my life, but life seemed to have a different better plan for me. a little over three years ago, i became the proud mama of a beautiful baby boy who flipped my world upside down in the best possible way.

before liam, my life’s ambition was to travel; to see as much of the world as i could before having to leave it. i valued my freedom from any real responsibility above all else, and desperately wanted it to last forever.

that (in retrospect, impractical) dream ended when i received the news i was with child; heartbroken, i let myself mourn the terrible loss more than i care to admit.

but now that he’s here, now that we know him, i couldn’t imagine loving any other life more. he makes me the happiest, and has saved me in ways i didn’t even know i needed saving.

our little family of three feels right, feels complete. we were always meant to be together — just the three of us. there is no part of me that desires adding more children into the mix.

my husband is not as sure about not wanting our family to grow, though he undoubtedly leans toward being content with our one and only. growing up between two brothers, sharing that close sibling bond, is something he is most grateful for. and it’s not as if i don’t understand how special that connection can be; i have a brother of my own, whom i love dearly, but our one and only is enough for me and for us.

the decision to raise an only child was not without thought. i want to be the best mama i can be to my littlun, and part of that is at least giving the idea of another child some consideration.

we have weighed the good and the bad, and keeping our family of three just the way it is feels right for us.

liam doesn’t need a sibling to have someone to play with — that is what friends are for, who can be as close, if not closer, than the people you share blood with. he does, however, need us to take care of him to the best of our ability; to provide for him emotionally and financially; to teach him and guide him and prepare him to one day live life on his own.

to me, having parents who love a child, who are there for that child, and who can provide that child all the essentials of life is more important than producing a sibling.

to me, having parents focus on being good role models and setting an example of how to balance family, work, school, and life is more important than producing a sibling.

to me, having parents encourage a child to explore, be curious, and strive to reach their potential is more important than producing a sibling.

but so many of the people i know who have children of their own disagree with me. despite making my intentions of being a mama of one clear, i’ve lost count of how many times i’ve been asked when (not if) we’ll have more. i’m told that it’s inconsiderate to not have more, to withhold the “joys of siblinghood.”

to me, it’s anything but thoughtless to have fewer children if you think you can raise them better that way. and i know i can be a better, happier, more giving and loving mother of one child than of two or three — and that is what my darling boy deserves.

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